Wednesday, July 16, 2008
everything is in a mess now
why must he pop up time and again in my life only to throw me into back into that scary world
only to bring me back to my traumatising childhood
those images so clear i wonder if they happened yesterday
after all that he has done
all the lies
all the hurt
all the tears
how can i ever believe him again?
i thought it was all over
i thought that i could finally leave that eerie world
i truly felt the meaning of happiness when they divorced
but then he appears again
bringing more fear to my life
i am really tired of this kind of torment
in his eyes we were worse then rubbish
those sluts- his hands all over them. so dirty. dirty.
who were the ones who stood by him in the darkest period of his life?
not once, not twice, but for for 14 years of my life
as i a child i cried for him
my tears were his tools to get money
what kind of bustard is he to use his child like this?
to a child who loved him
who loved him cos he was her father
whose heart ached too see him suffer
shit.
all the money he pour down on sluts
all the money he use to gamble
all the money he got from the exchange of his daughter's tears.
i hate him
i told myself i wouldnt drop a tear for him ever again.
but i did.
i still did.
14, 15, 16, 17...
age wouldnt stop my tears from flowing.
why?!
whats the problem with me?
for a bustard like him?!
i'm lost.
will a daughter ever stop loving her father?
i see how other fathers showered their kids with love
piggy back rides, hide&seek, kisses on the forehead...
i cant believe it
i was 16 and i cried
how lucky are these kids
i want a papa like this too.
now he has nowhere to go
now he is desperate
his legs hurt
his life
he wish to end it soon.
so? i dont give a damn.
but my heart- a traitor.
m e s m e r i s e d 7:11 AM
